Breaking from Tradition!

Normally my sardonic personality shines in my blog; however, this time I am breaking from tradition to post a link to my daughter's new website! She is a musician here in Knoxville and performs and teaches private music lessons! Her site is up and running, but still under construction. Make sure and check it frequently and share it!

aubreybakermusic.com

Anyone that knows me also knows I am a frequent flier. As such, I am usually well prepared for flights with snacks, sudoku books, reading books, laptop, headphones, etc. However, this past cross country trip I can only blame myself for my misery. Somewhere in my daughter's Utah house are my noise reducing headphones. As I sat at 31,000 feet flying home to Tennessee I was tormented. Yes, tormented-- by a middle aged barrel chested chubby woman snoring louder than any man, woman or creature I've ever heard!

Yes, I had earplugs snuggly pushed in deeper than they should be, and yes, my hoodie was pulled over my head with my hands covering my ears; my inner voice screaming from within!!!!
   I am not a violent person, but I think I could have ripped out this stranger's adnoids! Why was she sleeping in the middle of the friggin' day????? I'll be the first to admit I have a sound sensitivity- but this woman was out of control and RIDICULES!!!!!!!

STATUS: MORONICALLY STUPID!

Not a Good Sign from your Doctor!

 

So I recently had a bout with kidney stones. Yes, they hurt for a woman too. How do they compare with labor? Well, these 3 badboys were small- so, whereas the pain was like labor- it was bearable. A few years ago I had the big daddy of all stones that basically sliced and diced me and I ended up with emergency surgery. Worse than labor! No cute cuddly baby to help me forget the pain! 

However, my point isn't to discuss the stones, but rather this issue of Reader's Digest that was in the exam room as I waited for the Urologist. Out of curiosity, I picked it up to read if indeed my DOCTOR is OUT OF DATE. I flipped past the military jokes, the stupidest criminals and the ads, as well as the real life drama with the feel good ending and wait....I missed the article. I flipped backwards, then forwards... then I counted the pages. Yep, this article was ripped right out of the magazine. 

Perhaps a patient ripped it out---but highly doubtful. My observation is if someone wants the article, they take the entire magazine. Especially from a magazine as small as Reader's Digest.

So my thought is this- DID THE DOCTOR'S REALLY THINK NO ONE WOULD NOTICE??????

Look at the magazine cover- of course we want to compare what they say to our exam!

Status: MORONIC

(at the very least they should toss the entire magazine to avoid suspicious patients like me!)

Doppleganger: The Celebrity I Am

I did it. I admit it. I was curious to see what star I would be matched to via Facebook's latest fad. Apparently it was difficult. All of my picture uploads failed. Finally, I took a quick photobooth shot. It's 11 pm, I'm in sweats, I have on no make-up and I am slouching on the couch. Of course this picture was accepted!

 

After watching too much of the Grammy awards while waiting, a 74% match was made! Glory- be- I wonder who I resemble???? Ready for this one???????

 

 

That's right, I look like a young Filipina Pop Star. 

Need I say more?

MORONIC!!!!!!!!

Keep Your filthy HANDS OUT OF THE BINS PLEASE!

I love The Fresh Market. I love the option of measuring my own unsalted cashews and yogurt pecans. I love the mood lighting, the music, the freshness of the produce. In fact, once when my home was full of guests I stealthily slipped away to The Fresh Market for a few moments of quiet. It is a shopping experience rather than a dutiful chore; indeed, is brings a bit of Fresh air to a weary shopper.

Unfortunately, my most recent shopping experience left me a wee-bit horrified! Please, it wasn't The Fresh Market- no, no- it was the greedy old man who illegally parked his caddie in front of the store blocking the disability/cart ramp. He didn't need a cart or basket-- his hands were plenty!

Sadly, I must share the truth of how this wonderful shopping place and how every customer was violated! This man proceeded to walk up and down the bulk aisles lifting and grabbing. Half of his illegally and unsanitarily obtained goods he plopped in his mouth, the other half into his pants and jacket pockets. I had to tattle. I just couldn't let this man contaminate The Fresh Market, then it wouldn't be fresh anymore! I couldn't allow his greedy, grimy, germy, grubby hands to thieve anymore!

Here's a humble suggestion:

Dear Fresh Market,

Follow Earthfare, Kroger and Wholefoods lead: switch bin styles!

Sincerely, a concerned consumer that can no longer tolerate MORONIC OLD MEN!

Me and My Foot!

Here I go again!

Me and my foot! This picture cannot possibly capture the amount of pain I am currently in. I am wondering just how many injuries a foot (the same foot) can possibly endure!!!!!

Pirates

 

I totally understand the appeal of pirates. Let's face it, Johnny Depp brought his charm to Captain Jack Sparrow. The Swashbuckling pirate allowed for boys (and girls thanks to Keira Knightly) to be boisterous and playful. Daring rescues and sword fights followed by laughter and merriment. Who wouldn't want this life?

However, we never think about the stinky side of pirates. No bathing for weeks- months. Doubtful a toothbrush is anywhere to be found in essentials- just plenty of rum! Thievery is a way of life. Yet, we glamorize and fantasize about the life of a pirate. We even encourage it at a very young age to our children!!!!!!

Maybe Vegetales got it right afterall!