Dogwood Winter

True Southerners have an aversion to really cold weather, especially when it happens during a sacred time period. By this I mean SPRINGTIME! Every winter, despite our doubts, we anxiously await the result of our friend, Punxsutawney Phil, the groundhog.

This year, however, something has gone seriously awry- even by the beloved groundhog's standard we are well past the extra six weeks of winter and well into every southern town's Dogwood Festivities. My husband and I spend countless hours grooming and offering blood, sweat and money into our beloved gardens. We are after all, on the Dogwood Trail where hundreds of people drive through neighborhoods admiring spring flowers- especially azaleas and the countless blooming dogwoods. Our front yard alone has nine dogwood trees, not to mention a beautifully blooming weeping cherry.

Now you're asking- where is the OXYMORON in all of this? We should suck it up- it's just a few days of chilly weather! Apparently, there is an anomaly called DOGWOOD WINTER. This is where cold weather happens while the Dogwoods are in bloom. Well, this year's OXYMORON award goes to the 28 degree snowy weather that is happening during the 2nd week of APRIL. Thanks to mother nature all of my beautiful trees will lose their beginning blooms, my azalea buds will drop off and my perennials will struggle. Forget any annuals- they're doomed completely. Maybe the desert has it right. Plant rocks.

CASE IN POINT #2

Yesterday as I was leaving WalMart garden center (hey, don't judge me) I noticed a midsized SUV slowly approaching. Not wanting to be mowed over (or even slightly grazed) at the CROSSWALK I too slowed down to make sure the SUV had seen me and would indeed respect my pedestrian right of way. The driver made eye contact with me through the open window and waved. I took a step forward only to have to jump back three feet to avoid being hit. Apparently I mistook her tapping her cigarette for a wave to go ahead. She gave me a big toothless smile and I threw my hands up in dispair and asked "what about the crosswalk?". She repeated a feeble "I'm sorry" several times, then offered, "I don't have my glasses on!".

True Story!

STATUS: BEYOND MORONIC

Oxymorons or just Moronic?

Most of you that know me, know I am always analyzing the meaning and intent of words. It is difficult to say which came first- me doing this because I am an interpreter and ASL teacher- or if I became an interpreter and teacher because of my fascination of the power of language.
Regardless, I have been contemplating the ridiculousness of Oxymorons for a while. In fact, I often am tempted to write a book about them. For those of you that fall under the oxymoronic phrase- "dim-witted"- I will explain in more detail.

Princeton explains an Oxymoron as the conjoining of contradictory terms.

It further defines Moron as a person of subnormal intelligence; an idiot.

MyWord.info states Oxy is a prefix to indicate that "oxygen" or "additional oxygen" is used to modify a word to expand its meaning.

I offer the term Oxymoron simply means expanded idiocy.

Case in Point


Cartoonist Charles Schultz immortalized the phrase "Good Grief!"

Meaning no disrespect to Mr. Schultz or to Charlie, but I have to question if he (come on- Charlie isn't real) ever experienced grief first hand. Understandably, grief in and of itself has a dual meaning.

Let's look at the first meaning- aggravation. Perhaps you work in customer service. All day people have been giving you "grief" over their service or their billing, etc. Hmm, I really don't see much good coming from this! In fact, the term postal, as we all know came from a disgruntled postal worker that- well, you all know got fed up with his share of "grief" and went, well, postal!

This brings me to the second use of the word "grief". Having experienced "grief" by the death of a loved one first hand, I can promise you there is nothing good about it. Sure, people clean your house for a week, bring you lots of casseroles that you can't eat and you temporarily drop weight; however, despite the enticings of these benefits- take my word- "grief" is not good. I challenge each of you to dispute me. I say if you do, you have not really experienced grief! Quite frankly, being the compassionate person I am, I hope you don't experience it. Just trust me on this one!
STATUS: OXYMORONIC